- Waiting for the fog to lift
- Waiting to feel well enough that it no longer distracts me
- Waiting to feel well enough that I am confident in the quality of work I'm doing
- Waiting to be sure whatever it is I am doing is not an actual memory I'm dreaming up (literally)
As life goes, there have been small changes around me in the last couple months, and Pinterest sadly joined the ranks of all other social media:
It suddenly reminded me of how alone I felt.
It used to do the opposite - there were no pictures of others spending time together, remnants of conversations and inside jokes of which I was on the outside.. just a collection of dreams and hopes - and humor. I think with these small changes around me, I have been losing hope.
In waiting this morning - to wake up, to make sure I didn't dream about taking my meds like I did yesterday morning and cause a delay in the day, I found myself there again.
Hope has not really returned, unfortunately. I am still battling a dark place of questioning what it is I am fighting towards anymore. But the humor was there. My mind is just much when in the mode of sleepy bliss. What else can you do but laugh?
I am sorting through a search for "Narcolepsy Humor" - there are some things out there that really make me laugh! And unlike a couple weeks ago in Target, I don't have to worry about falling over while chuckling at something in my bed. Describing the sudden switch to what can only be comparable to the college party days of learning what one drink too many felt like as your body started to work against you, my favorite is still describing a sleep attack as the Nap Ninja who won.
Yet, this morning, I am getting more search ideas as I leaf through:
- Someone pinned one of my grief-related pin after my grandfather died, I should look up GriefShare and see if they have stuff
- Someone pinned one of my runDisney Princess Half Marathon pins, I am doing the Glass Slipper Challenge this year! I should look that up!
Tto remind myself to search these two items, in my mind, I get repeating:
GriefShare, Glass Slipper
What did I end up with when Pinterest leafing and intermittent napping was done as I'm waiting to feel the effects of my Nuvigil and of my body cooperating with me this morning?
Glass Share and Cataplexy Potato
I may be a 33 year young single adult who is battling a bad case of loneliness and isolation right now as my geriatric patients can relate to my boring lifestyle better than those 20-60 years of age who are still able to fight and win against those Nap Ninjas.
But at least while I sit in my quiet home with my patient puppy, waiting for that semi-confidence to start walking around and juggle my waking clumsy drunk-like dance, I am fortunate to be able to enjoy my own company.
I can play a mean game of Whisper Down the Alley all by myself. It's like watching Gollum have a little conversation with himself, but Gollum appears drunk and disoriented mixing up the mini napping dreams and reality in the fifteen minutes of this talk